Two little words

Two Little Words

How many times a day do you say “Thank you” and really mean it? Most of us say “Thanks” or “Ta” many times in one day. But normally we say it under our breath, without even registering the person we are saying it to. It’s more like “Goodbye” or “See you” than a genuine “Thank you”.

And yet, if you can remember ever being genuinely thanked by someone you will know how powerful these two little words can be.
This month I’m looking at 4 different circumstances where saying Thank You can be really powerful. What I have found is that, even though your intention when thanking others is simply to give them praise and recognise their achievement, the indirect effect is that you feel better about yourself and often start experiencing more true gratitude from others.

“Thank you” feedback
We are often called on to give feedback to other people. Whether you are a leader in your organisation, a member of staff or work for yourself you will need, from time to time, to tell people about your experience of their performance.

Normally this comes in the form of critique. At best we wait until we have something negative to say, then think of some positive things to say too and bundle them together so the feedback doesn’t seem so harsh.

An alternative is to find reasons to thank people…and then stop talking. “Thank you” feedback can be just as complex and should be just as detailed as critical feedback. Let people know exactly what you appreciated about what they did, how you felt about it and what you admire about them. Sometimes a nice card or gift is appropriate. But often a phone call or a chat by the water cooler is enough to really make the other person feel appreciated…and of course, encourage more of the same behaviour in future. By saying “Thank you” you are educating your environment to know you better and to learn what works well for you. In this sense it is just as effective, if not more so, than critical feedback.

Gratitude Diary
A friend recently reminded me of the concept of the Gratitude Diary. Find a nice note pad, something that you feel good using. Each day write down at least 5 things you are grateful for that day. Some days will be easy, as so many great things have happened. Others will be more challenging and you’ll be listing things like “I’m grateful for my good health” and “I’m grateful I got through the day” etc.

After a few weeks you will start to notice a change in your approach to life. Instead of focusing on the 10% that’s not going so well, you’ll start appreciating the 90% that is.

Thanking strangers
As I said at the start of this newsletter, we probably say “thanks” a few times a day. But do we really mean it? Do we look the person in the eye, smile and say “thank you”? Or do we say it as we are shoving our change back in our wallet and shuffling out of the shop door?

I challenge you to say “thank you” this month with conviction. I remember doing this consciously when I first moved to London. The result was that, even though I supposedly live in the unfriendliest city in the world, the people in my local shops knew my name and I knew theirs. I felt much more a part of my community and much more cared for. And all because I said “thank you” properly.

Thank you to friends
Let’s not forget those people who support us the most when we need it – our friends. When was the last time that you just called to thank one of them? Although most of us don’t help our friends in order to be thanked, it does feel great…and of course, it encourages us to do it more!