Are you walking the talk?

Are you Walking the Talk?

What do the series The Apprentice and the talent show X Factor have in common? Well, apart from the crushing feedback by either Alan Sugar/Donald Trump or Simon Cowell, a striking similarity is the phenomenon "Talking the Talk but not Walking the Walk".

On X Factor, thousands of hopefuls claim to have what it takes to make it big in the music biz. Looking purposefully in to the camera lens they claim "I've definitely got the X Factor" when it is plain to see that they do not. It is not enough to just say it, you have to BE it.

In a slightly more sophisticated way, competitors for a place as Alan Sugar's or Donald Trump's trainee proclaim "I lead from the front" or "Mistakes should be encouraged. We learn so much from making mistakes". And yet, when we observe their true leadership style they do nothing more advanced than shout at their teams using the argument "I'm in charge so just do what I tell you to do" and search desperately for someone to dump on when they fail a task.

Surprise, surprise we don't just see this phenomenon on TV. In my travels around the corporate world, I have met many managers who talk a great game. They've read Stephen Covey, they've been to Anthony Robbins and they know their Emotional Intelligence score off the top of their heads. But when I see them in action, it becomes clear that they know the theory but do not consistently translate this in to action.

Generally they are not being disingenuous. It is almost impossible to accurately measure our own performance. Let's take giving feedback to a direct report as an example. We know how it sounds in our head and how it is meant to sound when it comes out of our mouth but how it is received by others may contrast significantly.

Plus, none of us is perfect. Sometimes we forget that we know a more effective way to address a challenge. Sometimes we don't realise that a tool we've learnt would be useful in this situation. Sometimes we're just having a bad day!

And then there are the other times. There is absolutely no point in going on courses, reading books or working with an executive coach if you are not 100% committed to changing the way you operate.

It just isn't enough to talk the talk. You have to actually walk the walk every day, in every situation, with every person you come in to contact with. Allowing yourself to have human flaws is one thing. Thinking that you've solved the problem by reading the book is another.

How do you close the gap between theory and reality?

Here are a number of options:

1. Get focused: Each day or week focus on one tool you've learnt from a book you've read or a course you've attended. Aim to overuse the tool. Test it out. See if you can apply it to a wider range of situations than you thought possible. Experiment with it. See how elastic it is, how broadly it can be applied. By the end of the week, if you do this properly, the tool will start to be part of who you are, not just something you do sometimes.

2. Get a tough-love-buddy: Select a tool or a set of tools you often talk about using. Ask your buddy to be vigilant in feeding back the extent to which you actually used these tools over a day, a week or a month. Your buddy must be someone who is a) familiar with the tool b) robust enough to give you straight talking feedback c) someone who sees you operate in a variety of situations.

3. Stop talking about how you manage: Ban yourself from telling people about your style of leadership or your philosophical musings about success. Instead demonstrate what you stand for in your actions. If you are really a visionary leader, you shouldn't need to tell people. They should just know.

4. Don't sign up for any more courses or read any more books: You already know far too much! Instead, re-read old books and your notes from courses you've already taken. Make sure you are really using what you already know before you try to learn more stuff.

5. Take the hint: If you are saying a thing but not doing it e.g. "I see myself more as a coach than a manager", ask yourself if this has become a "should" for you. A style that suits your mentor or the facilitator of a course you went on, might not suit you. You might admire it very much in others and might have hoped you could emulate your heroine but the truth could be that it will never be something you can do effectively. The fact that you say it but don't do it could be a clue. Instead, look at what actually does mark you out as a leader and, if you must, talk about that, rather than about qualities you aspire to but will never be a natural fit.