Positive thinking

Positive Thinking is SO Passé, Darling!

As a Coach it is sometimes assumed that part of my job is to help people to think more positively. Actually this is not the case. I'm not a big fan of Positive Thinking. To me, Positive Thinking is about trying to pretend that things are great and ignore evidence to the contrary.

This is very hard to do. No matter how much we might want to ignore our fears they keep rearing their ugly heads anyway! Trying to stay positive under these circumstances is draining and can actually stop you feeling motivated. So, instead of talking about Positive Thinking, I've started talking about Emotional Honesty.

What does this mean?
It's very important not to ignore your emotions. They are trying to tell you something. So, if you are working on a project but are worried about failure, if you are in a relationship that is a constant struggle, if you get a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach as you enter your office, my request is that instead of ignoring the feeling you address it head on.

Ask yourself some of the following questions:
  "What is making me feel this way?"
  "What am I worried about?"
  "What is the worst thing that could happen here?"
  "What is my body trying to tell me?"
  "What is REALLY the problem?"
  "What needs to be changed?"
  "What is within my control here and what is outside?"
  "What am I REALLY feeling?"

Emotional Honesty
All these questions are about establishing what is behind your emotional reaction. Instead of ignoring it, you are confronting it. This is not to say you cannot be sad, angry, disappointed, afraid or nervous. Quite the contrary - feel the emotion that is appropriate to the circumstances. Positive Thinking is about ignoring these warning signs. Emotional Honesty is about feeling the appropriate emotion, acknowledging it and, when you're ready, doing something to address the root cause.

So forget being Positive! Be Honest instead!