The power of What

The Power of "What"

No matter how organised you are, no matter how much "personal development" work you've done on yourself, no matter how fabulous your life, from time to time things go wrong.

And at those times we often find ourselves asking questions like "Why is this happening to me?", "Why do I always get found out?", "Why doesn't XXX have these problems?"

These questions rarely result in any useful answer. Also, "Why" is a word loaded with judgement. If you don't believe me, just try it out. Next time someone tells you something ask them "Why do you think that?" Or if they tell you something didn't go according to plan, ask them "Why not?" Chances are the answer will be vague and the person you are asking will feel attacked (Don't try this experiment with people who are feeling vulnerable!)

In contrast, questions that begin with "What" or "How" are often referred to as Wisdom Access Questions. The brain responds very well to these questions - they seem to open up pathways that can help us move forward with our thinking.

Examples are: "What happened?", "What could you do differently next time?", "What did you learn?", "How do you feel?".

So, next time something doesn't go the way you hoped, ask yourself "What" rather than "Why"!

Special tip for leaders and managers:
"What" questions are a great motivational tool. When mistakes are made in a work environment it is easy for individuals to become demotivated or lose confidence. If you are in a leadership role, asking "What happened?" or "What could we learn from this?" is far more useful than "Why did this happen?" or "Who is to blame?". Mistakes will become opportunities to upgrade levels of service, professionalism and experience rather than disasters that damage morale and can trigger even more mistakes.

Motivation tip: Fear of failure
Fear of failure, fear of making mistakes, fear of getting it wrong and never managing to recover can stop us from taking any sort of forward steps at all. So we remain stuck, repeating the same patterns and missing out on opportunities that may transform our lives.

If you've ever felt stuck or unable to make a decision in case it's the "wrong" one perhaps this quote from the American psychologist, BF Skinner, will help: "Failure is not always a mistake; it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying."