You are so irritating!

"You are SO irritating!"

Research recently carried out by a UK recruitment agency gave a list of the most irritating workplace habits. Things like: listening to voicemail on speaker phone, shouting at the computer and failing to make the tea or coffee are amongst the most annoying things about working in a busy office.

In the past, not replacing the paper in the photocopier was on the list. And I expect, before that, not filling up the ink in the inkwell was probably right up there!

The truth is that work can be stressful. And the little things, which, under normal circumstances, would not annoy us, do start to grate when we are under pressure or finding it difficult to concentrate.

So, what do you do about it?

1. What's the REAL cause?
Because we find someone emailing us when they sit at the desk opposite frustrating we tend to only address that problem. We get angry with the individual concerned. Maybe we say something. Maybe we just boil inside and say nothing.

But the truth is that the REAL cause of our frustration is often something else - we have too much to do, we are not challenged by our work or we do not feel recognised or appreciated.

Ideally, the way to reduce friction in the workplace is to deal with the underlying causes of stress. If you see trouble brewing because of seemingly minor events design a strategy to identify the root cause and handle that. The minor irritations will just fade away.

2. Create the environment
It may not be possible for you to address the root cause of problems in the workplace. You may not have the clout. Or your company may not feel it is a priority. Or the problem may be so serious that an immediate short-term solution is necessary.
In every workshop that we run we do an exercise called "Creating The Environment". Because some people find workshops "unsafe" (they worry they will be picked on or criticised) we spend some time at the start listing the ground rules for the workshop.
The most effective way to do this is to ask: What DON'T you want this workshop to be like? What DON'T you want people to do or say? What DOESN'T work for you?

Then we consider each one and ask: What DO you want this workshop to be like? What DO you want people to do or say? What DOES work for you?

You can do the same in a team at work: What kinds of behaviours are NOT acceptable? What DO you find irritating? What's NOT working currently?

Then, make a list answering these questions: What kinds of behaviour would you prefer? How do you agree to handle irritations that arise? What kind of work environment do you WANT to work in?

Chances are, after some discussion, there will be general agreement about how you are going to work in future. These meetings should be held occasionally in order to refine the list and give new people the opportunity to contribute.

3. Stating your personal boundaries
Even if you work in a company that takes these issues seriously and you have regular meetings like the one proposed above, there will still be times when you need to state your personal boundaries.

This is also known as "educating your environment".

Most of the time people aren't acting in a particular way to annoy you. They just haven't considered your needs or they have a different standard of behaviour to you.

The mistake most of us make when we attempt to talk to people about this is we use the word "You" instead of "I". We blame them or make them wrong.

E.g. "You are really annoying"; "You don't consider anyone but yourself"; "You are impossible to work with".

However, when you use the word "I" you can start a negotiation e.g. "I find it really hard to concentrate when you do XYZ"; "I feel stressed when ABC happens"; "I get annoyed when I'm always the one making the teas".

What you really want is to feel less annoyed, stressed or irritated. So, what can the other person do (or how can you both work differently) so you don't feel that way any more? Maybe there are some things YOU do that someone else finds irritating! Even if you can't get together as a whole team in a formal way, negotiating in this way will help resolve most workplace irritations.